• Steen

Why not wearing a helmet on a moped is cool.

Updated: Nov 21, 2019

It's mid summer 98 degrees on the east coast, humidity index is so high you can cut the air with a knife. So warm in fact, that you need to pedal an extra block, past the normal three just to get your moped started. Sweat is pouring from your head and you can't seem to keep the salty droplets from distorting your vision. Just then, you get an idea and decide to throw out all common sense that ever existed in that tiny little skull of yours, it could be the heat...it could be the two stroke fumes, who knows, but off comes your helmet. A rush of excitement and refreshment as the skid lid is peeled from your sweat soaked hair, exposing it to cool breeze. Thinking to your self, why haven't I ridden like this before?! There are no helmet laws and I like to gamble! *braaaaap*

I mean what's so bad about not wearing a helmet, you're only going 25-30 mph max and it's only around town? Speeding down a back street with the warm moist wind whipping through your freshly trimmed mullet. Your pit viper shades are making you look flyer than ever, all while doubling as a excellent wind screen. Looking down to see how fast you were going on the longest stretch of road in town you look up, there's a basket ball that rolls out in front of you! It's so close you don't even hit the brakes and hammer into the right handle bar as your bike jolts towards the center line, barely clearing on coming traffic. *HONNNNNNK* the Audi SUV driver in the opposite lane voices his opinion about your erratic driving. You think to your self, fu*king kids need to learn to keep the balls in the yard. Deciding you need to let your nerves rest, you roll up to 7-11. Scattered and in need for a quick hot dog and some gas, you start digging under your seat for your oil container stash. Valerie, your small town crush rolls up in her dad's Mercedes-benz. She blurts out "I saw you riding down town, your hair looked really good as you were riding, who cut it?" Still fumbling for your oil container you couldn't seem to recall the name of the barber. To save yourself, you stammer " that barbershop down on main did it!" Knowing damn well there were well more than five barbers on Main St. Responding she says"Nice, you should take me for a ride on your moped, it looks so..... freeing." Not wanting to miss a chance for a date with Val you gladly agree to give her a ride and ask if shes free tonight. She agrees and you go your separate ways. Leaving the gas station, the sun is starting to set and there is a red-purple glow radiating from the westerly sky. Thinking to yourself " Man it would be great to bring Val down to the water front, and enjoy the sunset together." Grabbing your big gulp cup, you hop on your moped. Beginning your normal three block starting sequence, you head to pick up Val. Just as you pass block three the bikes starts up, just as predictable as ol'faithful. You get on the gas and merge into traffic, just as you merge you hear a ear piercing *screeeeaaaach*! Looking quickly to your left and all you see are headlights, you drop your big gulp, and then *THUD* *generic alarm clock noise*

Jolting out of bed you take a massive gasp of air. Realizing it was all a dream. You're soaked with sweat and can feel your heart racing, like you've narrowly avoided death. You decide to not let a bad dream get the best of you and head out for a moped ride. As you walk to your shop you realize there is barely any traffic at all, it was Sunday after all. It always seemed more quiet on Sundays. It's another hazy humid day but the lighting seems weird, as if there is an eclipse or heavy cloud coverage. Looking for the sun but unable to locate it through the humid overcast air. You don't think too much of it as you arrive to the shop. Whipping the door open your Puch Magnum UPS is sitting just as pretty as it always has. Grabbing the moped you get ready to pedal off, only this time you stop. Heading back into the shop you grab your helmet. Putting the helmet on it's hot, it's heavy, but you don't want to make that nightmare a reality. Pedaling down the road, you tug the start lever, the bike starts instantly! Completely caught off guard you lean back and the bike lifts off the ground! You look down as you see the ground moving further away. Out of pure excitement and confusion you yell out "I'M FLYING! WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Looking around for any explanation as to what is happening, a loud thundering voice booms out from the cosmos.... "IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAD, YOU MUPPET!"

This is a PSA Short story from your helmet loving moped CREW in Burlington Vermont. Your head might be thick...but not that thick. Wear a helmet. ATGAT - All The Gear All The Time :) - Steen Hey guy's my name is Steen, I'm a local moped enthusiast, scraping by with blog post and moped repairs. If you love OR hate my blogs, give a chick a click on any of the ads within the website. One simple click (even if you aren't that interested) is enough for me to afford a coffee and keeps me motivated on the journey of continued shi* posting. Thank you!

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