If you’ve spent any time thumbing through Moped Army or Facebook moped groups, you’ve certainly come across odd photos of hot dogs. Most depicting strange hot dog placement and arrangements, even gifs hinting at sexualized innuendos *cue several hot dogs being tossed into a woman’s face”.
You’re probably wondering, what in the F?! Hot dogs have nothing to do with mopeds? Why the world's longest hot dog? Hot dog in a banana peel? The list goes on. On the surface it really is quite an innocent funny joke. For example “mopeds are weird, so am I, lets post a picture of a hot dog to protest my love for weird!” Looking further into the strange anomaly, I have found in the tiny dark corners of the already puny moped world, you’re able to find the masterminds of these open ended hot dog memes. I took the time (10 minutes) to ask the creators “Why?”
Not expecting much in return, I was surprised when responses started being hurled from the depths of the hot dog think tanks. Such responses as “Hot dogs r gud” and “wieners” gurgled up from the bowels of this internet beast. Then popped up photos of podium aces celebrating a win, all while holding a hot dog placed in a questionable areas of the groin. More photos began piping up, arguing who had the best representation of “TEAMEAT”
Which when incorporated with the photos provided, it would be interpreted as “TEAM-(M)EAT” rather than the prior... There were no consumption of said hot dogs, only large caps lock message of “ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR.” with three men nuts to butts behind a chopper style moped. Emboldened on the side, in cursive was a vinyl sticker displaying the words “Get lucky”. I thought to myself, “Thanks boys, but I’ll stick with my roller dogs and unlimited toppings.” No where in any of these internet transactions was the hashtag #nohomo tossed up. Thus leading myself to question, “Are there other unspoken truths hidden in this “hotdog lingo”?” Without looking too much further into the shadows, I decided to move on. “Different folks, different strokes.” I cheerily proclaimed to myself as I took notes of my findings. Just as I was about to leave the dialogue, a day walking member blurted out “Who would relish such a challenge” not taking much of a threat to his question, I watched as he autonomously continued a thread among himself and one other, manufacturing puns of hot dog themed sentences including “Tbh if you don’t like hotdogs you’re the wurst” and “Someone mustard given her the wrong impression.” Based upon the impeccable grammar and punctuation it was only safe to say this rambling day walker spent most of his time on Reddit. The Land of Trolls. Where the stifling and belittling of those who can not pun and grammar at a consecutively high rate lies rampant. All for meaningless internet points.
Overwhelmed and ready to end my study, I closed the thread window. My phone buzzed, I slowly slid my phone open *Someone is typing* . The “top minds” of moped land began to rise from their rockers, the shuffling of worn leather slippers on dry concrete floors, bodies creaking as they inch their way to the ipads. You could hear the thunderous tapping on the brightly lit jitterbug style digital keyboard as they formulated their response. The thumping could be heard across the land. The previous commentators quickly silenced their hot dog banter and looked up with large glistening eyes. The elders sighed and began to loudly explain. "Hot dogs are as old as time my friend. The shit posts simply took the form of a motif on this page and that motif is hot dogs.” Just then it hit me. A hot dog was truly the only thing that runs supreme in the moped community. Trumping any variated clutch, big bore kit or side mount expansion pipe. The hot dog was always there, loyal, consistent, warm, and fast. Everything a moped wasn’t. The hot dog was the “Thunder shirt” of the moped community, providing the equilibrium among the devastation of seized motors, leaky carbs and countless other problems mopeds possess simply from their humble existence. Without the hot dog, the community would be chain smoking alcoholics standing around outside of single bay garages. The industry would be certain to implode and collapse without the HOT DOG! Hot dogs are the only thing keeping the community alive! LONG LIVE THE HOT DOG! <3 Based upon a true story.
Hey guys! Steen here, working to bring Moped content to you in unique and thought provoking ways! If you would like me to write about something specific please reach out to me @breakthecyclemotoworks on IG. Either way, thank you for reading, and thanks to the "New England Mopeds" Facebook page for my inspiration this week(and for taking a joke)! Please remember this is a one woman show, if you found this blog, or any of my writings helpful or funny please consider simply clicking an ad or becoming a patron on Patreon. I will have exclusive content up there soon, along with some videos to keep the wheels turning. Even if its only a few cents a month, I will eventually be able to afford a cup of coffee per day! Again thanks so much for reading! You guys are the best! <3 -Steen